


Could I Be Dreaming or Am I Just Coping?

by ghostship (dopeycat)



Category: Blur, Britpop - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Implied Suicide Attempt, M/M, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 17:09:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12562172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dopeycat/pseuds/ghostship
Summary: "I love you." Almost a whisper, quieter than expected, Graham nearly didn't catch his words.The brunet's eyes lingered on him with melancholic tenderness, fingers sliding into the gaps between his fingers, a completed puzzle.Graham gave a feeble smile, squeezing his hand softly. "I love you too."





	Could I Be Dreaming or Am I Just Coping?

**Author's Note:**

> This had been sitting unfinished on my computer for nearly a year so i thought i'd finish it off and post it.
> 
> Feedback is much appreciated !

Damon had considered it somewhat strange when Graham asked to meet at the cemetery down the street. But his best friend needed him, he told him so- begged him so. He couldn't oppose it – the sound of his secret lover's desperate, snivelling, requests for him to come and see him. He remembered with overwhelming distress what happened last time he hadn't shown up when Graham needed him and he wasn’t going to let it happen a second time.

He couldn’t- he wouldn't cope if it happened a second time.

That thought was enough motivation to keep himself going. Tiptoeing cautiously through the cold and dingy streets, an eerie sense of abandonment surrounding him which could only belong to that of the early hours of the morning. His hopeless attempt at hugging himself and two stolen whiskey bottles inside his jacket was working about as well as he would have thought and each rustle he heard in the bushes made him pick up his pace a little.

The moonlight made it so the blond could just barely make out his messy haired silhouette, but it was there, he could see it from cemetery gates, sitting on a gravestone not too far in the distance. He could tell he was looking at him, could feel it, a haunting chill. 

He made his way, his heart rate increasing when he finally made it. Eyes locked, silent greeting were made and met with an offerings of alcohol by both parties who thankingly obliged. 

The luminescence of the moon reflected the wet streams down the brown-haired boy's cheeks and in his glassy eyes as he looked up at him. Evocative, his doe eyes reflected the heartbreaking vulnerability of himself, his supressed cries for help, hidden emotions that were screaming to be let out. 

Damon took a seat, ignoring any personal space of Graham's. He just needed to hold him, tell him it's okay to cry, especially in front of him. They both knew that liquor would help ease this process and in a short amount of time both boys were choking out their suppressed feelings and memories passed.

It had felt like hours passed while they drank and smoked, sobbed and spoke, mostly about nothing in particular in that moment - the sad, sincere things that had been said had been left to and only to the grave of someone who's name was illegible in the darkness, an unknown stranger who would always know more about their love than the two could ever realise or remember.

"I love you." Almost a whisper, quieter than expected, Graham nearly didn't catch his words. 

The brunet's eyes lingered on him with melancholic tenderness, fingers sliding into the gaps between his fingers, a completed puzzle.

Graham gave a feeble smile, squeezing his hand softly. "I love you too." 

Damon pulled him closer, wrapping his arms lovingly around him and resting his chin in his soft hair. He bit his lip and shut his eyes as Graham buried his face into his chest, both holding back another round of tears. 

"Graham, I-" Damon couldn't help the hot tear that fell from his eye and into Graham's hair as he started to speak. "I'm so sorry." Graham felt the arms surrounding him start to tighten around him, they shook ever so slightly as the blue-eyed boy's breathing picked up, "I'm so fucking sorry I wasn’t there, that I was late, I-I-" his words were nothing but sobs and hiccups now. The boy in Damon's arms clung tightly to him, his head now resting in the crook of his neck. He felt his hot breath against his skin, felt his chest rise and fall, felt him hugging back; a relieving contrast to what had happened the last time the two came into contact.

"Please promise that you won't try and leave me again," he grabbed the brown eyed boy's hand and squeezed it. "Please."

"I promise, Damon." A sigh of relief.

His name sounded alien coming out his friends mouth, like someone else had said it.

"Damon." Repeated. Louder this time and not coming from Graham.

"Damon!" He flinched at how loud it was. A woman's voice, familiar, a voice he recognised very dearly. 

"Damon, wake up!" 

It was extremely dark and cold when he opened his eyes. He groaned at the pain that thundered against his skull, finding that his body was stiff and aching from a hard surface he had found himself laying on. The pain in his head blurred his vision slightly as he looked up, eyes adjusting slowly as he squinted at the darkness. A rush of terror ran through his body as he shot up into a sitting position, staring at the shadowy figure in fear, eyes searching around him for any sign of help while also noticing Graham not there next to him. 

"Where is he?" His voice scraped in the back of his throat, causing even more pain to hit him. He backed away but immediately hit a large, flat stone. 

He was still in the graveyard. 

"Damon-" A hand reached out to touch him which he pushed away.

"Who- who are you?" More pain. His breath picked up, glancing around quickly for help. All he wanted to do was scream– scream for his best friend to come and save him, but he couldn’t find his voice anymore and he was afraid that if he were to say anything more his voice would be lost. He felt like he had to try though. He hesitantly opened his mouth to ask more questions but was met with another voice.

"Damon, sweetie, it's us," a kind voice, a caring voice, a motherly voice.

"Mum, what are you doing here? Where's Graham?" He could finally make out his mother's and sister's faces in the soft light of the moon and could see their faces drop after asking where his best friend had gone. 

His mother knelt down, putting a hand on his shoulder. "We've been looking for you everywhere, why are you in the graveyard?" Damon noticed her avoiding his other question.

"He told me to come here, he said he needed me to come here." Damon didn't like how overwhelmingly sympathetic his mother's face looked.

"He…? Graham…?" His mother spoke mindfully, the name of his best friend sounding sickly-sweet on her tongue.

"Yes, Graham," he said as if it was obvious. "Is he okay?" 

He started to feel disquieted at the lack of response his mother gave and the looks she and his sister shared. The awkward air surrounding them and his mother's watering eyes made his heart rate pick up.

"Mum, is he- is Graham okay? Where did he go?" The blond found his voice cracking as he tried to stay calm.

"Day, love, sweetie…" Her voice wavered, she bit her lip as a tear slipped down her cheek, "he's in the same place he's been for a week." She faltered as she lifted her hand, taking a deep breath as she pointed her finger just past Damon's shoulder.

His heart lurched and his stomach sank as he realised what his mother was pointing at and he trembled as he slowly turned his head and body around, his eyes hesitantly fixing on the engraved stone. 

Nausea and heartache took over him as he read the name on the headstone, his best friend, his surreptitious lover, reduced to nothing but a name on a slab of stone and a memory.

Dissolving into tears, Damon threw himself onto his mother, weeping, and clung to her for dear life as if at any moment he could find himself waking up again from another nightmare to find her gone as well.


End file.
